In my writing journey I’ve gotten to know so many wonderful people through cyberspace but rarely do I get to meet them face to face. A few weeks ago I had one of those rare opportunities when I discovered one of my new blogging friends, Lisa Appelo, lives close by and we met up for lunch. I was immediately drawn to her humility and willingness to serve to her family and God. Please welcome Lisa to the blog today as she shares a story I can so relate to about when it’s right to let go.
When You Need to Know Release is Right and Good
Motherhood is a slow release.
No sooner had I delivered our firstborn — after months of birthing classes and baby showers and nursery decorating — than the release began.
I loved the newborn stage. I loved being home on maternity leave and playing all things mom for the first time.
But two months in and our ruddy newborn, who only ate and slept, began to fill out to a chubby baby boy with milky white rolls and coos and long mornings of play.
“Oh I love this stage,” I thought, hoping time would linger right here.
But the slow release continued.
Toddlerhood moved into full-on childhood. Siblings were added to the mix, we moved houses and jobs and, before we ever imagined, girls were calling to talk to our just-turned-teen boy.
I have loved every stage and I’ve wanted it to stay just like it was. But, without permission, time moved on and lo and behold — I discovered that I loved the next stage as well.
Release to the next stage is right and good and healthy.
Rather than mourn what was we get to fall in love with what is.
I saw this so clearly about a year after my oldest, Ben, got married. We were attending a friend’s wedding, a young man Ben had grown up with.
The reception was held around Christmas in my hometown in the same restored hotel where I’d celebrated my own Christmas wedding reception 28 years earlier and boy did it take me back.
After lunch, as people milled around, refilling drinks and beginning to hit the dance floor, I sat at my table taking it in. I’d been seated at the next table over from Ben and his wife, Elizabeth, but we happened to be sitting back to back.
That’s when it happened.
I looked over to see another friend approaching Elizabeth.
“Congratulations!” she said with a big smile. “I saw Ben got accepted to medical school!”
And with those nine words, I felt the final snip of complete release.
For 21 years, my husband and I had poured our blood, sweat and tears into that boy. Our boy.
There had been countless moments in our home that had gone into shaping him, teaching him the values that helped him reach a dream he’d talked about since he was a boy. We had encouraged and helped direct his love of all things science; researched opportunities for him to explore medicine; sent him off with a packed duffel bag and his first VISA on a summer-long medical mission trip.
For years, he had home schooled around our dining room table. We were the ones who had scoured for classes and books and volunteer work that would prepare him. We had prayed through the college process, walked through the disappointments and gone with him when he was invited to explore an early admit medical program.
But the friend hadn’t walked to offer congratulations to me.
She’d gone to his wife. Ben was hers now.
And in this room where his dad and I had started our own life 28 years earlier, I felt the impact of complete release.
For just a moment, my thoughts swirled as I processed the shift.
Inside, I sensed a whole lot of ownership in the celebration.
But I was smiling on the inside, not sad or envious.
This release was right and good and healthy.
Elizabeth could cheer him on in a way I would never be able to.
I was clearly in a new stage. But lo and behold, I discovered bone-deep satiety here and found I loved this stage just as well.
Lisa Appelo is a single mom to 7, young widow, author & crazy in love with Christ. She shares soul-deep encouragement and proclaims God’s faithfulness in the hard at TrueandFaithful.net
Facebook: facebook.com/trueandfaithful
Instagram: www.instagram.com/LisaAppelo
Looking forward, person seeking God.
Oh Lisa, although I haven’t gotten to that final release yet you described that releasing I’ve experienced so far perfectly. It often goes my nature but I know it’s natural and good, just as you said. Love your words, friend. Blessed to see you here today.
Yes, release starts early in little things but it’s a slow {and beautiful} march toward fully letting go.
Christy, I loved remembering all that was swirling in my mind and heart that moment. This side of release really is GOOD. …something I know you’ve seen as well. Thank you, friend!
Thank you for being a part of the journey today. You are a joy!
Lisa, what a precious story and inspiration. Thank you for showing us how God walks with us and makes every step good.
Debbie, I think that’s just what I’d go back and tell my young mom self.
This brought tears to my eyes and a catch in my throat. I have been blessed by my baby girl having you so willing to embrace new stages of life as well as you being there for her. Thank you!
She and Ben are such a match. Seriously. But you know, for years, we heard about the amazing Liz. 🙂 It’s a beautiful thing to see them making their life together. <3 You did well, Sondra.
Christy, It’s always been hard for me to let go… I’ll do it, but tend to do so kicking and screaming.
Your gracious attitude in letting go of your son is such an inspiration and a beautiful testimony of what it means to be good stewards of our children knowing that they are ultimately God’s to live and be used for His good purposes.
I leave your blog edified.
So glad! Blessings to you as you try to align yourself to God’s will.
Wow i needed that, i had my son for almost 30 years an then he got married. We were always close, it has taken me awhile to feel the release.
Both my sons are married but I don’t want to interfere so I try real hard not to hold on. Yes, it’s hard. Thank you for your comments.
Bless~
This is such a beautiful story, Lisa. So far, I’ve loved each stage as well. This encourages me for my next stage! I can trust God! Looking at Chef Girl’s last year of high school and the empty nest ahead. God is faithful. (And congrats on your son’s acceptance. That’s wonderful! 🙂 )
Lisa, this is so perfect for me right now. My word for 2016 is RELEASE! Walking this teenage road with our son has brought all kinds of things I didn’t expect. I’m having to RELEASE little things every single day. And even though it’s so hard, I know ultimately it will all lead up to the most important release of all, when he will stand on his own (or with a wife by his side.) This is just beautiful, friend.