Last year at 56, I became a mom again for the 4th time!
Before you start thinking I’ve experienced some kind of divine intercession or that I’m a freak of nature, let me explain.
Last June my youngest son got married, giving me a daughter (in law.) My oldest got married two years ago. Now I have four children to love.
And you know what the desire of my heart is? It’s for all of them to
follow hard after Jesus and His Word. With that being said, I don’t want to get in the way of my own heart’s desire.
A few weeks ago, hubby and I went to a marriage conference at our church. We usually don’t fair well at these events. Hubby comes away with sore ribs from all the elbowing I give him when I think he needs to “listen up.” However, this time was different. I prayed beforehand that we would have ears to listen and a heart to receive the wisdom offered. What I heard at the conference spoke volumes into my heart, not just for me and David, but also for our kids.
The speaker started off talking about how God commands us to leave our parents and cleave to our spouse and become one flesh.
I thought, yeah, I know this part.
But then my heart received this message.
If I want my kids to be obedient to God’s Word in this matter (to leave, cleave and become one flesh with their spouse) I must do my part.
The exact wording of the scripture in Genesis 2:24, is “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh.”
The word become, in the phrase, they shall become one flesh, implies a process. It’s not instantaneous. A preacher saying a few words doesn’t WHAM, BAM! make two separate people disappear and leave one person cloned to be like the other in thought, work, and deed. No. These two very different people from two different families need time and space to develop into a unique compound unit. That’s what the Hebrew word for one (echad) means, united, two wholes coming together. These two individuals need ample opportunity to make their own home, their own traditions, set up their own calendar and their own ways, in order for them, over time, to be one flesh.
So as a mom, what’s my responsibility?
If they are to leave, I must leave them alone.
I must give them time and space to find their own special place in the world.
As mothers we can help our children obey God’s command to become one with their spouses by pouring into them for the amount of time we have them. Giving them a good foundation to build on by showing them love and grace and teaching them God’s Word every chance we get.
And then, when they choose a spouse – we release the two of them into God’s care.
We allow them to go out and make a new family unit. No guilt and no pressure to be like the family unit they once were a part of. You see, you already laid the foundation. It’s now up to them. It’s their choice.
And it’s your choice, a good choice to let them leave. We mommas out there, need to cut those apron strings!
If we want them to follow God’s Word we have to allow them to figure out what becoming their own one means.
Letting your children go is tough. I know. But I promise it’s the best gift you can give yourself. The returns are limitless.
No matter what season of life you’re in, you can start the process.
-If your children are young, train them up in God’s ways and start preparing yourself mentally for the day you put them into the arms of another.
-If they have just chosen the love of their life, this is your chance to show them what God has taught you about trusting and obeying Him.
-If you’ve already made some mistakes, if you’ve been an over-bearing, guilt-giving, things-should-be-my-way mother-in-law, in Gods’ economy, it’s never too late. Ask your kids for forgiveness. Humility is an attribute of selfless love.
It doesn’t matter the age of your children, trusting God with His plan for them is the best Mother’s Day gift you can give yourself.