In Genesis 2:24 it says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
A son’s a son ’til he takes a wife,
A daughter’s your friend for the rest of your life.
My mom loved to repeat nursery rhymes to me when I was a child. This one mentioned was a favorite. Rhymes are easy to remember for kids and this one in particular stuck with me.
When I asked my mom what it meant she answered, “When boys are young their momma is everything, their best friend, their first love. But when they grow up they will find another love, their forever love. At that time the relationship they have with their momma changes.”
Even as a child I took those words to heart and hoped that when I grew up I’d at least have one little girl to be, my friend for the rest of my life.
But those were not the plans God had for me. Instead, I gave birth to two boys. And they were precious (hellions but nonetheless precious).
When my boys were toddlers and I was singing rhymes to them, my memory went straight back to a son’s a son til he takes a wife... Even as a young mom I recognized the truth in that rhyme, and I wanted to prepare myself for what was to come one day.
Albert Einstein once said, “A man should look for what is and not what he thinks it should be.”
God’s word tells us, “what is” is that boys grow up, meet their forever love and leave Momma and cleave (cling) to their new wife and become one. A whole new family. And that’s a good thing. Nothing to fight, just something to be mentally ready for so when the time comes I could let go and embrace my new role without reluctance.
My oldest son, David, was married a year ago October. Even though I thought I was ready, I won’t lie, the role change was painful.
I was no longer the priority. My opinions took a backseat to the opinions of his new bride. Her wants overrode my wants. All these things I expected, but were nonetheless difficult for my new momma-in-law heart to assimilate.
My instincts wanted to hang on to my son for dear life. I had to resist this temptation with every fiber of my being and remember “what is” and not hold tight to what this Momma thinks “it should be“ (a mistake too of us make, reaping devastating consequences with this new and fragile momma-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship.)
As a momma and as a momma-in-law I need to promote the oneness of the union between my son and his bride. I can best do this by:
- Embracing my new daughter with a welcome and loving heart so she feels valued and respected.
- Letting her know how thankful I am that she and my son found one another.
- Letting her know, I know my job is done and it’s her time to step in. To make her husband a nest, a home. Their home. A home complete with her flavor and traditions they decide on together. A home where her opinions speak volumes over mine and her wants take priority over my wants.
- I need to graciously accept their decision as to where to spend their holidays. No guilt trips allowed!
- I need to make every effort when possible to develop my own personal relationship with my daughter-in-law. I covet her friendship.
In a few days my youngest son Aaron, will wait at the end of a church aisle for his lovely wife-to-be, Jamie.
How do I feel? Happy-sad. Happy for all the crazy, frazzled years of raising boys. Happy for every hour and every minute that I had the privilege to pour into them. Happy for the hugs, kisses, and the endless begging to scratch a back.
Sad this door to motherhood is closing forever.
In a few days, with open hands and a selfless heart, I’ll let my son go into the waiting arms of his forever love.
Albert Einstein almost had it right when he said “A man should look at what is instead of what he thinks it should be “… I think for all the momma’s of little boys what “should be” is a different ending to the rhyme about sons. It should read something more like:
A son’s a son ’til he takes a wife
May she be your friend for the rest of your life!
*Linking to Suzie Eller’s Live free Thursday